Monthly Archives: February 2012



“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.” – Oscar Wilde 




I’m sure we’re all familiar with the above quote.  According to Oscar Wilde, I’ve made an ass of myself more times than I care to admit.   I find that when I’m making assumptions, it’s generally to substantiate some skewed idea of reality that my ego has latched onto.


For instance, a very dear friend of mine has been going through a rough patch recently.  Now, being the awesome friend that I am, I wanted him to call me, cry on my shoulder and bathe in the unending font of wisdom that is Ejay (lol).  Now, when he didn’t do that, I made the following (erroneous) assumption: ‘He doesn’t really consider me his friend, I’m just an acquaintance in his mind.’  Despite our almost 10 years of friendship, my fevered little mind (ego) went there.


That assumption shores up my (my ego’s) long-held ideas that ‘people really don’t want to be bothered with me’, ‘they really don’t like me, they’re just being polite’ and other such nonsense.  The ego longs to be right, so making up stories (assumptions) and passing them off as truth is one of its little tricks.


Despite this latest little hiccup, I am getting a lot better about not allowing assumptions to pass themselves off as truth in my life.  All I can do is remain vigilant about not jumping to the worst (most painful) conclusions when things are not immediately evident to me.


By the way, when I did finally talk to my friend, he assured me that I was more than an acquaintance (duh!).  He said, “You’re actually one of my closest friends.”  Yay, friendship! Boo, assumptions. 🙂









Free Your Mind…


This painting hangs in my living room so I see it every day.  I was thinking about those words during my morning walk today:  ‘No one can oppress you without your consent.’  What an empowering thought!  Now, I know you may be thinking, “Who would consent to oppression?” and yes, I know that there are people all over the world being oppressed by their governments in one way or another and my heart goes out to them.  I am not trying to lessen the severity of anyone’s struggle.  I’m saying that a free MIND is the most valuable and powerful asset any human being can possess.



We consent to oppression without even being aware of it.  Anytime you allow someone (I don’t care who) to stop you from living from your highest and best self, you are consenting to oppression.  Anytime you allow someone to spit on your dreams and take their opinion as law, you are consenting to oppression.  Anytime you hide who you are, play small or conceal  your gifts and talents, you are consenting to oppression.  Anytime you decide not to fight for what’s right, you are consenting to oppression.  Anytime you accept the role of follower, when leader suits you better, you are consenting to oppression.


In order to BE free, you have to THINK free.  Free your mind… and your LIFE will follow.



Tough? Love


LOVE.  Love is one of my favorite topics.  Ahhh, love.  Everybody loves Love!

Before I met my husband, I had no idea what it was like to be in a healthy, loving, adult relationship and I haven’t had one since he died.  That’s not what this is about, though.  This is about what I’ve learned about love over the years.  Some of those lessons hurt a lot.  The painful lessons I’ve learned about love taught me what I do and do not want in a relationship.

I’ve been in some pretty low places – not because of love but because of feelings I mistook for love.  During my younger days, I confused lust for love more than once.  If you can’t stand the sight of each other unless sex is involved, it’s probably not love.  Yeah, I know, that burning desire is a great thing to have in a relationship, but the entire relationship can’t be based solely on that.  It won’t last.

I often confused ‘settling’ for being in love, too.  I’m working on a big art show for the spring and part of one of my pieces involves pages from my journals from as far back as 1999.  I was flipping through them and it shocked and saddened me how many times I wrote about one man or another that I was ‘in love’ with, when clearly, I was just settling.  If you’ve ever had the honest thought, ‘Well, hell, at least I have somebody’, it’s probably not love.  Don’t settle.  You don’t have to.

I’ve put his happiness and fulfillment above my own.  Real love won’t ask that of  you.  The dreamy-eyed, romanticized notion of love will have you sacrificing your dreams, abdicating your throne and cutting off your freakin’ ear for someone else.  However, real, grown-up, mature love won’t call for any of that.  If you’re killing yourself to please your partner and no regard is given to you or your needs, chances are, it ain’t love.  Love at its best is a mutually satisfying and enriching endeavor.

Love won’t require you to demean yourself in any way, shape or form.  Love won’t abuse you.  Love won’t ask you to accept infidelity.  Love won’t say ‘I can’t live without you’, that’s what obsession says and obsession is not love.  Love won’t set out to hurt or embarrass you.  At the first sign of trouble, love won’t say, ‘Peace, I’m out!’ love will say ‘Let’s try and work on it – together.’  Real love won’t say ‘You complete me’, it will say ‘You complement me’.  Yes, I know, that line in the movie made us romantics swoon and go ‘Awwww’, but you can’t complete another human being and would you even want to?  I want a man to come to me whole, healthy and complete and I will be the same to him.

Let’s look at love through different glasses – grown-up glasses.

A Little Love


This is Pinky!  He was a gift from my late husband and he accompanied me on my trip to California in November of last year.  Every once in a while, Pinky will pop up here at The Red Lollipop to share a sweet little message with you.


“I love you.  I may not know you, but I love you.  The love I have for you is the Universal Love that we are at our core.  We come from love.  We return to love.  We are love.  We are ALL love.”  Namaste`,  Pinky & Ejay



Moving Forward February!


Hey, we made it through the first month of 2012! Yay, us! We’re awesome! 🙂


How are you doing on your resolutions?  Did you stick with some and let others lapse?  No worries, friend.  Remember, you can ALWAYS START OVER.  Every day is brand new and full of opportunities for forward movement.


I really moved in January – literally and figuratively.  I started working with a personal trainer and took other steps to improve my physical health, had a major breakthrough with my mom (see ‘Compassion’ on 1/8), worked through some issues with my good friend Terri, and got crystal clear about the direction I want my life to take.  There’s always more to do and I’m READY!!


So, let’s embrace this fantastic Moving Forward February!  This is a leap  year, so we have an incredible extra 1,440 minutes in this month to decide what we want to do, be and have.  Let’s move forward fearlessly!! Yes!!