Monthly Archives: November 2012

My Top Ten

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Instead of shamelessly begging you to subscribe to my blog, I decided to offer compelling reasons why you should. Read and enjoy and then go subscribe. No, seriously.  I’m begging you. Yes, you! Do it! Don’t make me come over there. Wait, what was I doing? Oh, yeah,Top Ten… here ya go! lol

 Top Ten Reasons to Subscribe to My Blog

  • 10.  I can spell.
  •   9.  I’m smarter (and taller) than most kindergarteners.
  •   8.  I speak French.  Sort of.  Okay, I’m not fluent, but if you dropped me in France, I could ask for a beer, count to ten and ask for the bathroom. 
  •   7.  It’s a great antidote to a craptastic day.
  •   6.  It’s a great way to start a great day!
  •   5.  I got mad writing skills, Yo! Word.
  •   4.  The Red Lollipop is a superfood.  Look it up.
  •   3.  A baby unicorn is born every time someone subscribes. True story. Maybe. I’m not sure.
  •   2.  I will sing at your wedding if you do.  No, no I do not sing well, but sing, I will. 
  •   1.  I guarantee you will find something here that speaks to you, inspires you, tickles you and may even help you in some way on your daily journey through life.

*Note: None of the above claims have been evaluated or proven by the FDA, YMCA, Tea Party, INS or Yoda.  

There you have it, ten great reasons to subscribe to The Red Lollipop!!

Read. Love. Share. Subscribe.  Please & Thank You! 

Twitter: @EjayMooreArt

In the Blink of An Eye

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On September 1st, 2012, I put this baby on a plane to Spain.  Yes, THAT Spain, where the rain falls mainly on the plains. lol  Now, before you alert CPS, I should tell you that this baby is now 20 years old and a Senior in college.  She’s still my baby, though.  It’s hard for me to look at her and not see the bright-eyed bundle of cuteness and possibilities in that picture.

 

In the weeks and days leading up to her departure, I worried myself into a near-paralyzed state.  She was fine (even excited, imagine that!) while I was a hot mess.    Every Lifetime movie and primetime documentary about American girls going overseas and horrible things happening to them (if they were ever seen again at all) played over and over in my head.  When my mother, sister and I dropped her off at the airport, it was all I could do to refrain from  recreating the most overacted playhouse theater departure scene you could imagine.   Yes, I wanted to fling myself on the floor and grab her legs and beg her not to go, all the while calling on Jesus and any other enlightened beings who wished to intervene on my behalf.  It was a rough one for me.  I cried all day.

 

Having come from my fear-filled childhood, it was hard for me to imagine that my child actually could be safe out in the world.  What helped me find peace around her leaving was realizing that she has her own intuition, intelligence and common sense to guide her.  Not only did she have those intellectual gifts and strengths, but I truly believed that her father would be with her every step of the way.  What better guardian angel than your dad?  It may seem silly to some, but the thought of my husband watching out for her really did give me solace.

 

Of course, she had to call me at every check point along the way and we Skype and play Words with Friends regularly, so we’re in almost constant contact.  While this separation has been a challenge for us both, I tell her almost every time we talk that I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.  I am so happy and proud of my little world traveler! I’m glad that her world view has not been limited to Texas.  I’m glad that she has friends of various races, religious (or not) backgrounds and sexual preference.  I’m glad that her experiences in another country are enriching her life and in turn, enriching mine.  I’m proud to be her mama and I wouldn’t take anything for one second less of our time together.

 

In the blink of an eye, my chubby baby has become a brilliant, accomplished, traveled, kind young woman and that does my heart good.  I love you, Bubby!! (Yes, she’s going to cringe with embarrassment at that. lol)

 

 

 

Twitter:  @EjayMooreArt

 

Hope Springs!

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Until recently, I had not been my usual ‘hippie lovemuffin rose-colored glasses all is well’ self.  I was mired in the blahs.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  Not one bit of it. lol  I didn’t want to write (hence, no new Lollipops in over a month), didn’t want to paint, I didn’t want to take any new photographs. I didn’t want to do anything. I really didn’t.  I had no hope.  I was depressed plain and simple.  I didn’t even want to dream.  Now, that’s sad, when you’re so sad you don’t want to dream. I know.  I stopped meditating, I stopped visualizing, I stopped seeing something better for my life.  I’m not sure what triggered my spiral and it’s inconsequential at this point.

 

The good news is… I’m BACK, baby!! Well, mostly. lol  I’m slowly coming back to myself.  I’m meditating again (Deepak Chopra’s 21-day Meditation Challenge).  I’m doing my daily two-mile walk or 30 minutes of exercise a day again.  I’m writing again (hello Lollipops!).  I haven’t painted or photographed anything new (yet) but I have ideas swimming happily in my head for new pieces, so I’m glad about that.

 

I think the thing I missed most was visualizing the life I want for myself.  I would get such a happy, hope-filled feeling thinking about relocating to California to be near the ocean.  It was so real to me that I could smell the ocean water and feel the sand beneath my feet and the mist on my skin as the sound of the crashing waves filled my ears.  Heaven!! That is just one aspect of the life, the new life I want for myself going forward.

 

I can dream that dream again.  I can feel it again.  I can believe it again, which means I can most certainly achieve it! I have renewed, energized hope for my future.  It’s not too late to have the life I’ve dreamed of.   Hope springs eternal, right?

 

 

 

 

Twitter: @EjayMooreArt

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ejaymooreart

The Challenge to Trust

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I don’t trust anybody. There, I said it. Actually, that statement is not 100% true – I trust my daughter.  She is about the only person on Earth that I feel has not betrayed me in some way (real or imagined).  I recently celebrated my 44th birthday and the days leading up to it were filled with disappointments.  People I thought I could trust lied to me, deceived me, were duplicitous and just all-around full of bs.  It was as though I couldn’t get a straight answer no matter where I turned.  I felt that I really needed to look at why I was attracting so much dishonesty. I began playing over the romantic relationships I’ve had the fortune (or misfortune, depends) to experience.  Every man I’ve ever been involved with lied to me, with the exception of my late husband (to my knowledge, anyway).  Every single one. WTF??? My father betrayed me by choosing to forget that I exist and go raise another family.  Male relatives betrayed me by choosing to prey on me instead of protect me.   I have trust issues with my siblings and my mother.  I don’t trust the people I work with.  I don’t trust anybody and it’s a horrible way to be.

 

I was journaling about this issue recently and I had to go down the rabbit hole, as it were.  The more I wrote about my mistrust of my fellow humans, the more I saw that I didn’t trust myself.  I didn’t trust myself because I’ve made ‘bad’ decisions throughout my life – trusted the wrong people; said ‘Yes’ when ‘No’ was what I felt; mismanaged my money, time and talents; kept quiet instead of speaking my truth; not made the most stellar parenting decisions and the list goes on.  The more I unraveled this thread of mistrust of myself, I began to see that not only didn’t I trust Ejay, I didn’t trust God. Wow!!! Yeah, that was a ‘two by four between the eyes’ moment if I ever had one.

 

I didn’t trust God.   Why? Because in my mind, God ‘let’ all these terrible things happen in my life and it felt like betrayal and abandonment.  I had to sit with that for a little while.  I didn’t trust God.  That was a pretty heavy realization to come to.

 

Once I really started delving into my mistrust of God based on the experiences I’ve had in my life, the more I saw that I could (and should) trust God.  God was always there, even in the midst of my most trying and painful experiences.  God was there when I buried my husband, giving me the slightest glimmer of hope to go on for my and my daughter’s sake.  God was there to bring me through every beating, every instance of molestation, every bit of verbal abuse, all the times when I felt unheard and unloved – God was there.  God was in that comic strip that made me laugh after I had just cried.  God was in my baby’s big brown eyes on those days when I couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed.  God has been in every brush stroke, every photograph and every poem brought to life through me.  God has been in that moment, however fleeting of feeling that ‘Everything’s okay, Ejay’.  God lives in that moment and I can trust that.

 

 

Twitter: @EjayMooreArt