Letter to the Lost


DSCF4842Dear One,

I know your heart is broken right now.  Losing a loved one is a horrible thing.  I’ve been there.  Please take these words as intended – as a love letter to you from me and a guarantee that it will get better.

You will cry and cry and cry and cry.  You will curse/question your religious/spiritual beliefs.  You will be angry.  You will be angry with your loved one (“How could you leave me?”).  You will be angry with yourself (“What could I have done to prevent it?”)  You will regret the things you said that you shouldn’t have and have even more regret for the things you should have said and didn’t.  You will cry.

You will wonder how the world could be so insensitive as to keep going when you are rapidly descending into a dark, dark hole.  Don’t they know you’re suffering?? Don’t they know you’re barely able to put one foot in front of the other?  How dare they laugh and live and love.  Rude bastards!  I know, I’ve been there.

People who love you will offer what they think are comforting words.  At some point (probably more than once) you will want to tell them to shut the fuck up.  You won’t want to hear ‘Oh, you’re young, you’ll meet somebody else’ or ‘Maybe it was God’s will’ or ‘You’ll be okay.’  They will say those things because they don’t know what else to say.  They will feel lost too, Dear One.  Try to find some solace in the intention of their words, if not the words themselves.  They love you.

You will cry some more.  Every time your senses remind you of him/her, you will cry.  It will hurt like hell, that’s the truth of it.  You will want to numb yourself with whatever your drug of choice – food, sex, isolation, actual drugs.  I would lovingly ask you to be careful on the numbing route.  It may seem like a quick fix to the hell in which you’re residing, but it presents its own share of problems.

You will cry.  Then, one day, it won’t hurt as much as it did the day before.  One day, you’ll be able to say his/her name and not melt into a puddle of your own tears.  One day, you will only remember the love, the laughter and the good times you shared.  One day, you will be okay.

You might always miss them, but you won’t always mourn them.  Life does go on, Dear One and you deserve to live, laugh and love again.

In Peace,





2 responses »

  1. My dear daughter, what a beautiful letter! And I know you could offer those sentiments to the young lady in question from a place of love and, because you yourself have been there (and may still be there) Like you said the people who love you continue to speak those oft-repeated words to you because, also like you said, we just don’t know what else to say. But I am at the point now to where the only words I can offer are “I’m sorry. If you want to talk about it, I am here to listen”. And with those words I will say further….stay strong, and though your heart may be shattered into a thousand pieces…if you can just make it through just one more day of darkness, the light is just around the corner. With true affection, your Mother Ife.

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